he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
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You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
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There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..