I am in a vortex of obligation.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
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You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
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As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.