This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
