I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
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