Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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