The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.