the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
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The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
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Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.