AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
