remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
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ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
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I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!