I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize