I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Actions speak louder than pants.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Randomize
