It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
They are going to name an STD after you.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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