im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
