well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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