sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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