After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
