i think my tv is drunk
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
