I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
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