he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
