just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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