I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
