Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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