I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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