I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
