You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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