the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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