Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
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