I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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