I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
