yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
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