Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
