bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
