Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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