when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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