Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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