I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
