U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
