Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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