Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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