Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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