i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
