so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
