she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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