Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
my poor anus
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
