I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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