her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
