Soap is not a condiment
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
