so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
