Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
