Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
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