You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
