In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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