I cockslap morals
I bet he comes in French.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
