she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
