I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
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Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
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She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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