I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Best friends brother. Beat that.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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