Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
