I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
