You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
