Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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