Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
