Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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