do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
