i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize
