you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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