You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
