I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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