my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
