What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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