he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
