i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
