HIV tests are more positive than that guy
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
